I've come to understand my path to be one of a healer and teacher, but above that I'm a perpetual student, and above everything else I have an obligation to myself first. I've been through hell in a lovely little hand basket with blood red ribbons, and moved on from that to the dark night of my soul, and am still here. I don't ever wish to repeat that, but one thing I've gained from it is an ability and willingness to put myself first, to address and deal with whatever the hell is wrong with me first, and to present myself as 100% me, wherever I'm at. What I refuse to do ever again is put on a happy face, put on a guise of OK or being wise...I may have been through x and y but I'm still a freaking baby and I expect to be so until the day I die.
Some might find that annoying or something to avoid, but I don't care, tbqh. If I'm not being me, whether that be the light or the shadow at any given moment, then there's no point. There's so much MORE to learn, always, every day, but as much as maybe sometimes people can learn from me, I refuse to stop learning from everyone else and freaking life itself, and that is priority one. I'm dedicated to presenting my authentic self, whether that be pissed off or happy and joyful or in pain or annoyed or whatever, and whatever it is I know I'll learn from it, from those around me, and through discovery. Beware those whose ego is so immersed in "helping others" that they lose sight of the first step in doing that, helping themselves. Beware those who poop out knowledge and wisdom in easy little nuggets, but who have not challenged themselves enough to be advising others.
All that said, right now is a time of profound personal change and spiritual growth, and i'm still in recovery. I hurt, I am hurt, I learn, I grow, and you are a huge part of that, people. Learning & growing most importantly, and so thank you for being here.
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