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  • learned helplessness

    have you ever heard or read something and it flipped a switch, turned on the brain lightbulb? 

    it happens to me a lot. a lot of times i have a concept, an idea, a knowing bouncing around in my head, and while it's there and I can concieve of it and fully comprehend it in the abstract/in imagery, that knowing doesn't make an impact on my life, behavior, or choices. It's like a seed of a concept of an idea of a breakthrough, and i'm seeing it in its foetal stage, not yet fully formed. 

    then, somewhere, I'll read something (as is the usual lately) and the light goes on, the legos snap, the magnets click together. Verbal connects with non-verbal, and suddenly the dream imagery of a breakthrough becomes tangible. A thing with substance, an entity, a reality. 

    That happened to me today when I read the words "learned helplessness." Today's click was palpable. I felt a burst of energy tingles, i felt that warm light around my heart, and I knew. 

    So many of my struggles to accomplish have been me butting up against learned helplessness. IT'S THAT FROZEN FEELING. can't move. shut down. closed off. a statue, a mind without body. an observer without a mind. THIS is what i've been struggling against, and now I understand why it was so difficult to overcome. I needed the right strategy.

    And now I have it. I've been a victim of learned helplessness. But I'll be damned if I'm going to shame myself for that or let anyone else shame me for it. No one can solve a problem they don't fully understand, except perhaps by chance. 

    Oh, chance! You elusive beastie. Your visit is welcomed and appreciated.

    It's 4 AM, so the details will have to wait until tomorrow.