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  • this life is most jolly

    i don't like it when 
    i dream about you
    it's always a struggle
    5 of wands
    in my subconscious.
    last night was not
    the first time.

    but last night
    last night was different. 
    i was asked to intervene, to save
    this time i refused
    and yet you returned.
    all apologies
    no empathy.

    ...

    y'all say
    just let go
    Just Let Go
    without any conception of
    that difficulty. without
    any understanding that
    it is a process
    and not a decision. 
    (truly you don't care to know that difficulty
    for it neuters your attempts at enlightenment)

    when the heart, the soul is involved
    when the karmic lessons come due
    when the heartquake destroys who you were
    leaving you to rebuild 
    it is not easy.
    which foundations are still strong?
    which foundations can be built anew?

    i made the decision, 
    now i am deep in the process
    of closure without closure,
    of forgiveness 
    without being asked to forgive. 
    do you know what that is like?

    when branded a demon by one
    who once lived in your heart,
    do you laugh?


    Freeze, freeze, thou bitter sky,
    That dost not bite so nigh
    As benefits forgot.
    Though thou the waters warp,
    Thy sting is not so sharp
    As friend remembered not.
    Heigh-ho, sing heigh-ho, unto the green holly.
    Most friendship is feigning, most loving mere folly.
    Then heigh-ho, the holly.
    ...